Scarlet's Inner Murmerings
by Scarlet daydreamer
Summary: Warning: this has no plot what-so-ever and is only loosely related to MR  It's not a story really so much as a regular field trip into my brain  If you're wondering why this is a Maximum ride fanfic, it's because I have captured the flock to help me write
1. Introduction

**A/N**

**Warning: this has no plot what-so-ever and is only loosely related to MR. **

**I have become increasingly bored in class and have decided to remedy that by writing a story on fan-fiction (finally). This is my first story ever so it might not be good. You can't even call it a story really but more like a regular field trip into my brain. I will try to update as much as possible but seeing as I want this to be interesting as well as accurate, it may have some periods of time with no activity, but it shouldn't be any more than a month in between chapters in the worst case senarios. In case you are wondering why this is a Maximum ride fan-fic, it is because I have captured the flock members and they shall be helping me write this story. You can talk to them later when I actually start the story, this is just an intro.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the maximum ride book series, or the characters, JP does, but I am "borrowing" them to complete my own fan-fic. They shall safely be returned home once I complete this story, but I get lonely so I may never complete it- **

**Max: HELP US!**

**Me: Quiet Max get back in the box!**

**Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yes! The disclaimer. So I don't own... blah blah blah... May never complete it... Ah here we are! I will allow field trips to JP's house for the flock every so often so that he may finish the series. **

**And that's it! Now let's start this story! **

Hello and welcome to the magical and slightly insane world that is my brain!

Voice: You sound like a tacky tourist attraction.

Me: Oh shut up Voice.

Voice: Whatever

Me: Anyway, this is a story of basically my constant blathering to myself while bored in class. I read St. Fang's Poetry corner and realized that my constant inner murmurings might also make a great story, or maybe not it all depends on your point of view. Hopefully you are as insane as I am and will enjoy it.

Voice: Or maybe you'll be bored.

Me: Ugh! Sorry for my inner voice, he can be extremely annoying when he wants to.

Voice: Why do you even want me here if I'm so annoying?

Me: *sighs* We've been over this I want to introduce you to the people.

Voice: Who would even read this?

Me: You are so hurtful. :( This is my first story and you are implying that nobody would read it.

Voice: Yeah

Me: Grrr I command you to stop being mean or I shall lock you in the dungeon!

Voice: Your brain has a dungeon?

Me: Yes

Voice: Since when?

Me: Since now. So behave or you shall be locked up in there with my hormones

Voice: Oh God No! Not him! He'll drive my as crazy as you with all of his sexual jokes!

Me: Hehe, not so tough now are you?

Voice: Okay I'll be good. Please don't make me spend time with him.

Me: Don't worry, I won't. Unless you start to annoy me again. Then I can guarantee that you shall be locked away.

Voice: *sighs* I'll be good.

Me: Good. Now on with the show.


	2. This Was Halloween!

_11-1-10_

**This Was Halloween!**

**A/N**

**Yay! The first real chapter!**

Me: Happy Halloween!

Voice: Halloween was yesterday stupid.

Me: *rolls eyes* I know that.

Voice: So why are you saying it now?

Me: Because I was to busy trick-or-treating yesterday to say it to our readers.

Voice: Aren't you a little old for trick-or-treating?

Me: *rolls eyes (again)* I wasn't actually trick-or-treating, I was going around collecting non-perishable food items for our local food shelf.

Voice: Why'd you choose to do it on Halloween?

Me: Sympathy candy!

Voice: Sympathy candy?

Me: Sympathy candy.

Voice: *sigh* I know I'm going to regret asking this but what is sympathy candy?

Me: Easy; sympathy candy is where you go around collecting non-perishables-

Voice: Yeah, I got that part.

Me: WILL YOU SHUT UP! Okay so you go around and since it's Halloween all of the people are home and they have candy.

Voice: Go on…

Me: Well, usually when you ask for donations they will ask you something along the lines of, "Oh you guys are so good! Do you want some candy to keep you going?"

Voice: Oh, now I understand.

Me: So we get lots of candy and we help the less fortunate!

Voice: Cool.

Me: Plus it's a great way to have an excuse to trick-or-treat and get volunteer hours without people saying, "Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?"

Voice: So how much did you collect?

Me: All together my sister and our friends and I collected 210 items and 2 bags of candy.

Voice: *whistles* Wow. How long were you out?

Me: About 3 hours, we split up to save time.

Voice: Smart.

Me: Thanks, but now I'm really sad that Halloween is over.

Voice: Yeah.

Me: *sniffles* And now I have to wait a whole year!

Voice: There, there.

Me: *bursts into tears*

Voice: Uhh…

**A/N**

**Voice: Umm, I'm gonna cut this chapter short due to emotional technical difficulties**

**Me: *Continues crying***

**Voice: So…um…bye**

**R&R**


	3. Sexist comments and wandering hormones

_11/3/10_

**Sexist Comments and Wandering Hormones**

**A/N **

**Okay this is a really short chapter, I wrote it during advisory. Anyways…**

**Random guy I happen to overhear while walking in the hallway:** Hooker! We've got a hooker over here!

Me: That is so horrible, nobody should ever cal a girl that!

Voice: Yes, it's inconsiderate and rude.

Max: Can I throttle him? Please? That guy needs to learn some manners.

Me: Sorry Max, no violence in school.

Max: Grrr

Me: But you are free to kill Hormones.

Max: Yes! *goes off to find Hormones*

Voice: I hope she finds him.

Me: Me too.

Voice: You know I haven't seen him for days?

Me: Me, either, I wonder where he is…

Voice: NO! Don't say that! He'll come back!

Me: Well if he does then Max can kill him.

Voice: Touché. Where is he anyway?

Me: Probably off harassing some other poor unlucky soul.

Voice: Well as long as he's not here I'm happy.

Me: I think everyone is happy.

Voice: Maybe if we're lucky he'll go annoy Fang.

Me: _O.o_ You are evil.

Voice: Of course I am, I came from your brain remember?

Me: Aww, thank you.

Voice: Your welcome.

**A/N**

**Ok that's the chapter. Sorry it's so short. R&R?**


	4. Sleep eludes me

_Oct 4, 2010_

_Scarlet's inner murmurings_

**A/N In case you're wondering why the date says Oct 4 it's because while I wrote it then I was to depressed from the fact that I got a total of _0 reviews/favorites _I was too depressed to type it up. If I could get 1 review it would motivate me enough to update again sooner. Also you get to meet Hormones in this chapter... **

**Sleep Eludes Me**

**Me:** It's bedtime but I'm still waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in, so I figured that I would entertain myself by talking to the voice inside my head.

**Voice:** You know that you can't just summon me whenever you're bored; I have a life you know. I'm not your slave.

**Me:**Oh contraire Pierre, that is where you are wrong. I can make you do whatever I want because I'm the dominate psyche in this brain.

**Voice:** Doesn't mean that I can't annoy the hell out of you though.

**Me:** Touché, but I thought that was hormone's job.

**Voice:** Yes by the way where is he? He hasn't bothered you for days.

**Me:** *Covers hand over Voice's mouth* Shh! He'll hear you! It's a miracle that I got through a week without him!

**Hormones:** Sorry I'm late

**Me: **Nooo!

**Hormones:** Oh come on I haven't bothered you all week, not even when you bought that banana for lunch,

**Me: **Gah! Go away!

**Voice:** No stay, I like watching her suffer.

**Me:** I hate you both.

**Voice:** Nah you know you love us.

**Hormones:** *waggles eyebrows*

**Me:**ugh, FML.

**Hormones:**Yes your life could use some-mrghphr

**Me:** *covers hand over hormone's mouth* Stop it! This is a PG rated brain!

**Hormones:***sing songy voice* Not anymore!

**Me:** *sigh* why can't you just bother someone else for a while?

**Voice:** Because we enjoy harassing you.

**Hormones: **Hehe sexually harassing.

**Me:** Eek! *crosses self* Be gone evil thoughts!

**Voice:** You're not even religious!

**Me:** meh… I figured it was worth a shot.

**Hormones:** That's what she said.

**Me: **Grrr… you two are getting really annoying.

**Voice:** Then maybe you should go to bed.

**Hormones:** Or get in bed…

**Me:** Shut up Hormones! I've heard enough of your dirty jokes.

**Hormones:** Aww _ D:_

**Voice:** Seriously though you should get some sleep.

**Me:** If it means that I don't have to talk to you two then I'm all for it. Good night.

**Voice:** Night

**Hormones:** *cackles* Enjoy your dreams

**Me:** _O.O_ Oh no. You didn't.

**Hormones:** I may have set something up.

**Me:** *prays* Please don't let me remember any of my dreams tonight!

**Hormones: **Hehe sleep tight

**Me:** *throws pillow at Hormone's head*

**Hormones: **Geez. Fine, I'm going!


	5. Beating the christmas blues

**A/N:**

**Merry christmas everyone! If you're not Christian then too bad, neither am I. Sorry I haven't been updating as frequently as I'd like due to family issues, but since it's christmas I decided to give you another chapter as my gift!**

Me: *sigh*

Voice: What's wrong? It's Christmas Eve! You should be happy and dreaming of gumdrops singing or something

Me: Umm I think it's sugar plumbs

Voice: Well whatever. Why are you sad?

Me: I have the Christmas blues.

Voice: Well, why don't you listen to carols or something to get you in the Christmas spirit?

Me: Hmm… good idea. *checks playlists for Christmas songs* Ooh what's this?

Voice: *reads* _Humbug! It's beginning to look at a lot like Christmas. And for some of us, nothing could be more annoying. So even though the airwaves are being bombarded by 70 versions of "Jingle Bells," you can rely on this playlist of songs that say exactly how you feel: bah humbug!_

Me: Sounds perfect!

Voice: Um, okay what song catches your eye?

Me: Hmm. Let's start out with a classic "Grandma got run over by a reindeer"

Voice: That sounds painful

Me: Big baby *plays song*

Voice: *sighs*

_Grandma got run over by a reindeer _

_Walking home from our house Christmas eve. _

_You can say there's no such thing as Santa, _

_But as for me and Grandpa, we believe. _

_She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog, _

_And we'd begged her not to go. _

_But she'd left her medication, _

_So she stumbled out the door into the snow. _

Voice: Never let your grandma near the egg nog. She can't handle the raw power it possesses.

Me: Noted

_They found her Christmas mornin', _

_At the scene of the attack. _

_There were hoof prints on her forehead, _

_And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back. _

_Grandma got run over by a reindeer, _

_Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve. _

_You can say there's no such thing as Santa, _

_But as for me and Grandpa, we believe. _

_Now were all so proud of Grandpa, _

_He's been takin' this so well. _

_See him in there watchin' football, _

_Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle. _

_It's not Christmas without Grandma. _

_All the family's dressed in black. _

_And we just can't help but wonder: _

_Should we open up her gifts or send them back? _

Voice: Hmm, I'd probably just keep them until grandma can open them.

Me: You're going to make comments like this through every song aren't you?

Voice: Why does it bother you?

Me: Yes

Voice: Then yes

_Grandma got run over by a reindeer, _

_Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve. _

_You can say there's no such thing as Santa, _

_But as for me and Grandpa, we believe. _

_Now the goose is on the table _

_And the pudding made of fig. _

_And a blue and silver candle, _

_That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig. _

Voice: Grandma wears a wig?

Me: Creepy

_I've warned all my friends and neighbours. _

_"Better watch out for yourselves." _

_They should never give a license, _

_To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves. _

_Grandma got run over by a reindeer, _

_Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve. _

_You can say there's no such thing as Santa, _

_But as for me and Grandpa, we believe_

Voice: Well that was festive.

Me: It put me in a better mood.

Voice: Want to play another?

Me: You know it!

Voice: Okay then, this one called, "The 12 pains of Christmas"

Me: Hah! Only twelve?

Voice: Well I don't think they could list all of them.

Me: Touche. *plays song*

_The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me_

_Is finding a Christmas tree_

_The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

_Angry husband: Rigging up the lights_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me_

_Man getting over being drunk: Hangovers_

_Rigging up the lights_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

Voice: I really hope you don't have to deal with number three

Me: Oh calm down.

_The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me_

_Exhausted man: Sending Christmas cards_

_Hangovers_

_Rigging up the lights_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me_

_Five months of bills!_

_Sending Christmas cards_

_Hangovers_

_Rigging up the lights_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

Me: So true

_The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

_Nervous wife: Facing my in-laws_

_Five months of bills!_

_Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!_

_Hangovers_

_Rigging up these lights!_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

_Nervous wife's husband: The Salvation Army_

_Facing my in-laws_

_Five months of bills!_

_Sending Christmas cards_

_Oh, geez!_

_I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:_

_Whining kid: I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!_

_Charities,_

_And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?_

_Five months of bills!_

_Oh, making out these cards_

_Honey, get me a beer, huh?_

_What, we have no extension cords?_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me_

_A tired father: Finding parking spaces_

_DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!_

_Donations!_

_Facing my in-laws_

_Five months of bills!_

_Writing out those Christmas cards_

_Hangovers!_

_Now why the hell are they blinking?_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

_A mother: "Batteries Not Included"_

_No parking spaces_

_BUY ME SOMETHIN'!_

_Get a job, ya bum!_

_Oh, facing my in-laws!_

_Five months of bills!_

_Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards_

_Oh, geez, look at this!_

_One light goes out, they ALL go out!_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

_A male couch potato: __Stale TV specials_

_"Batteries Not Included"_

_No parking spaces_

_DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!_

_Charities!_

_She's a witch...I hate her!_

_Five months of bills!_

_Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!_

_Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?_

_Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!_

_And finding a Christmas tree_

_The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

_Two men: Singing Christmas carols_

_Stale TV specials_

_"Batteries Not Included"_

_No parking?_

_WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!_

_Charities!_

_Gotta make 'em dinner!_

_Five months of bills!_

_I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!_

_Shut up, you!_

_FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!_

_And finding a Christmas tree _

Me: Never have truer words been spoken

Voice: I love the guy with the lights

Me: yeah he's so funny and it's so true. But I also like the kid.

Voice: So what's next?

Me: Ooh here's an interesting title, "The year Santa went crazy" Awesome!

Voice: Just play it.

Me: *plays song*

_*Intro plays*_

Voice: This is going to be another cheery song with creepy lyrics isn't it?

Me: Hope so

_Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys_

_For the good Gentle girls and the good Gentle boys_

_When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death_

_Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath_

_From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo_

_Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo_

_And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye_

_"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"_

Voice: Oh boy, Santa's smashed.

Me: *claps* Yay! Psycho Santa!

_The night Santa went crazy_

_The night Saint Nick went insane_

_Realized he'd been getting a raw deal_

_Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain_

_Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it_

_Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet_

_And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage_

_And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage_

_He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger_

_And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger_

_And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen_

_And he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!"_

Voice: *shudders* This song is extremely descriptive

Me: *tapping to the music cheerily* Yep, isn't it great?

Voice: *muttering* That wasn't the word I had in mind

_The night Santa went crazy_

_The night Kris Kringle went nuts_

_Now, ya can't hardly walk around the North Pole_

_Without steppin' in reindeer guts_

Voice: Poor reindeer

_There's the National Guard a__nd the FBI_

_There's a van from the Eyewitness News_

_and helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky_

_And the bullets are flying the body count's rising_

_And everyone's dying to know -"Oh Santa, why?"_

_My, my, my, my, my, my - you used to be such a jolly _

_Yes Virginia, now Santa's doing time_

_In a Federal prison for his infamous crime_

_Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears_

_He'll be out on good behaviour in seven hundred more years_

_Now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous_

_And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service_

_And they say Mrs. Claus she's on the phone every night_

_With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights._

Me: Ahahaha I'd love to see the movie of this!

Voice: I'm guessing it'd be a horror film

_(They talk about)_

_The night Santa went crazy_

_The night Saint Nicholas flipped_

_Broke his back for some milk and cookies_

_Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped_

Me: They have a point with the hard labor in exchange for cookies thing. He is getting gypped

Voice: *sighs* Being santa isn't a deal where you get things in return it's about spreading joy to all girls and boys

Me: (:p) Ruin my fun why don't you

_Whoa, The night Santa went crazy_

_The night Saint Nick went insane_

_Realized he'd been gettin' the wrong deal_

_Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain_

_Whoa, Somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain_

_Tell ya, somethin' finally must've snapped in his brain._

Me: That was the best Christmas song ever!

Voice: Uhh… yeah… sure.

Me: I feel so much better now!

Voice: (sarcastically) Nothing like a psycho song about Santa losing his marbles to cheer up the Christmas blues

Me: I know right!

Voice: I was being sarcastic

Me: And I was being doubly sarcastic

Voice: But that doesn't even make any- you know what? Never mind.

Me: Well I'm going to have a cookie.

Voice: GASP! You're going to steal from santa?

Me: Nooo I'm going to get my own cookies; we made more than five you know.

Voice: Oh, I knew that.

Me: *patts on head* Whatever you need to tell yourself

Voice: Don't you be condescending to me young lady

Me: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Voice: Oh, just go dream about your sugar plumbs or whatever!

Me: Fine. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!

**A/N:**

**You can find this actual playlist on playlist .com **

**R&R?**


	6. Author's note

I'll be taking a break, possibly forever with this story.

Unfortunately I have issues with my voices right now and we aren't speaking to each other due to another voice in my head that has developed and won't go away. (This voice is not appropriate to put into this story unless it were a horror story) Anyways I'm cutting off contact with my voices for a while in hope that the bad voice will go away but it's probably going to be a while until I update again (if ever).

While I could just write what I think my voices would say in a certain situation that feels fake to me and I refuse to lie to myself like that. To the tiny amount of people who reviewed that actually care about this story, I am deeply sorry, but talking to my voices right now is causing me too much stress and is affecting my already unstable mental health.

Sorry once again, I know how everyone hates these Author's notes saying that the story will be stopped for a long time but I really can't handle dealing with the large amounts of personalities in my head right now.

As a way of apologizing I will write down a small list of songs that I believe people will enjoy listening to.

For those who liked songs like **"The Night Santa Went Crazy"** song. I recommend these songs:

**"Amish Paradise"** by weird al yankovic

**"Eat it"** by weird al yankovic

**"White and Nerdy"** by weird al yankovic

**"Virus Alert!"** by weird al yankovic

**"Weasel stomping day"** by weird al yankovic

**"Close but no cigar"** by weird al yankovic

"**Gump"** by weird al yankovic

**"You don't love me anymore" **by weird al yankovic

**"PacMan Fever"** by buckner and garcia

**"They're coming to take me away haha!"** by Napoleon XIV


End file.
